A DARK PERIOD (cue the spooky music)

Hello Blog Readers....

Let me update you on what will now be known as THE DARK TIME this last month.  I got to 216 one time but then I went up, up, up and never went back.  I started playing the mental games with myself.  I was getting discouraged with myself and my stupid brain.  I had those conversations all fatties have with themselves....
"I've lost some weight, I should be able to eat what I want."

"I had a rough day, I deserve it."

"It's just a little bit" (as I scarf Doritos down while I am cooking dinner)

"I look pretty good now, why not?"

"I'm more like a normal person now and I'm sure normal people eat this so I should be able to also."

"I'll work out tomorrow- it's no big deal"

All of these conversations coupled with the Valentine's Day candy my students gave me and the fact that my number one cheerleader (Sweet Carol at True Results) was unavailable the past few times I went (APPARENTLY she has her own life - geesh) led to a decrease in weight loss and even a gain.  Even when I saw Carol three weeks ago she told me to lose four pounds in two weeks and to start journaling every thing I ate.  She even gave me a journal to use with a cute little pen that attaches.  I thought I was back on board...but alas...it wasn't the ass kicking I needed.  I journaled for a day then I lost it and found it at the end of my two week time - and you know I can't use regular paper when I have a cute journal to use.  :(  I also cut back on the gym because our family was pretty busy and it became really hard to get away from the house.

And here comes the good news:  Ready?!  Are you really ready?!  I saw Sweet Carol (my savior) last Tuesday and we talked a lot.  I told her about my onset of apathy and how I was reverting to the thinking of my old super fat self and I was repeating my life story....I can stick with anything but only for a limited amount of time and then I give up if the results are not immediate.  It's the way things have always ran for me.   She said I needed to jump start my weight loss again to motivate me.  So she came up with a plan.....

I am on Atkins (meat, certain vegetables, cheese, and cream - no more than 20 grams of carbs ) for two weeks until I see Sweet Carol again.   She said I can lose between 8-10 pounds while on it.   I was getting a pedicure the other day and they offered me a glass of wine.  I almost had it to my lips when I remembered that wine has carbs!  Ah Crap!  The horror!  I had to direct the wine to my friend.  That has been the hardest moment so far.  It's just like going back to presurgery diet.  Ain't no big thang.  What is keeping me on track with no slip-ups is the crazy results I am getting!  On Tuesday of last week I was 223lbs.  Today I was 214lbs!  Holy Moly!  My goal of being under 200 by my birthday in May is now looking totally attainable again!

Carol also said that if this doesn't work we will do another barium scan and add more fluid.  YIKES!  I don't want more fluid.  I get stuck about every other day - usually when I am eating and talking at the same time (can't multi-task).  If I get fluid added then it will really be no fun to eat EVER!  It should be considered fun anyway since it should be a function to keep you alive, yadda yadda yadda...but it still is fun to eat, I don't care who you are!  The threat of more fluid is enough to keep me on track right now.

The exercise is going really well.  I went to the gym three nights and Sunday last week.  I'm trying to condition myself for April because I've entered in the Austin 10/20.  It's an event where you walk/run 10 miles and there are twenty bands - one every half mile.  Doesn't that sound fun?  I just want to make sure I finish.  I walked eight miles today (tied my personal best) and I've been doing the weight training at the gym - steadily increasing what I can lift from week to week.  I am feeling strong and I am feeling capable again!

I can do this!  I am not stopping at half way or half-assed like I usually do!  I am worth it.