LilySlim - Weight loss

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Catch Up

Okay, so I told you all about me, now I want to give you some background knowledge of what has happened since my decision to have the band:

First off, I did not go with gastric bypass or sleeve because those two surgeries scare the crap out of me.   Stapling parts, removing parts, then gaining it back?  No thank you!  I like the adjustability of the lap band and the minimally invasiveness of the procedure.  It feels safer.

Once I decided what I wanted, I asked around and talked to people that had gone through the procedure.  Two people recommended True Results in Austin, TX.  They both have had success and only regretted that they did not do it sooner.  So I called and set up a free consultation.  I think their job was to convince me that I should do it, but I went in there ready to schedule!  Since I teach, I wanted to get it done as soon as possible in the summer.  I met with a patient advocate who has lost 120 pounds himself and looks great.  He talked with me, we discussed financing (my insurance won't cover it so it is $10K out of my pocket) and I was able to secure it through CareCredit.  It was painless.

From there I went in to meet with my nurse practitioner.  She is basically my case manager and will help me along after I am banded.  I love going to that office because all of the chairs are HUGE!  It makes me feel so tiny and petite!  I met with my PA again and we scheduled all of my tests, appointments, and surgery.  I went home super excited but a little scared.

My feelings have been up and down about this whole thing.  Sometimes I feel excited and confident and other times I am scared that I won't be able to follow through.  After all, I've never been successful at losing weight beyond 30 lbs, so why would I be successful this time?  It's hard to break that feeling.

I met with my nutritionist two weeks ago and we discussed my pre-op diet and my post-op diet.  I started my pre-op diet while on a family vacation.  I thought it would stink to be on a diet during vacation, but my family was REALLY supportive and I think it made it easier to stay on track with so much accountability.  This first phase is Atkins.  Lots of meat, no fruit, sugar, bread, nuts, legumes.  I can essentially have fat, meat, cheese to an extent, and vegetables.  I can't exceed 20grams of carbs a day.  A couple of times I have struggled, but I have not been off track.  I've been going to Chick-Fil-A and getting a cup of grilled nuggets and a side salad.  The full fat ranch dressing only has one gram of carbs, so I put that in too.  There is also a lot of water drinking going on.

Some people have posted that they have to do a liquid diet for two weeks prior to surgery.  Thank goodness that is not me!! Every time I feel sad about no carbs...I remember it could be MUCH worse!  I made banana bread for my kids this morning and I thought I might die if I didn't have a bite.  It smelled so wonderful.  There were small bites of uneaten bread laying on plates that were literally calling my name to "just have a little taste".  I refused and eventually they gave up.  I struggled again when I sliced the extra loaves to put in bags and then in the freezer.  I had to ask my husband to come in from weed eating to watch me so that I wouldn't sneak a bite.  :)

So I meet my surgeon on Tuesday and get specifics about surgery. Woo woo!


Here is my story:  I am 37 years old, I am married to an absolute dream of a man (seriously, I ask myself all the time how I landed him :wub:), I am a mother to a ten year old daughter and a soon to be three year old son. My son keeps me on my toes most of the time.  I love him to the ends of the earth, but he drives me crazy.  I also teach elementary school in Texas, so for 9 months of the year, my life is complete chaos. Also, I teach math, so don't judge me for any grammatical mistakes!  It is crazy hot here right now and the idea of exercising 30 minutes a day sounds like sheer torture.  

I am generally a pretty personable person and I am outgoing.  Sometimes I wonder if I am so outgoing to cover my insecurities about my weight.  That's a topic for another day and possibly a paid psychiatrist. I am having lap band surgery not because I want to change my life, but because I want to prolong the good thing I've got going here.   

Weight wise...I'm not sure when or how I went down the hill of no return.  I was never a small girl, but I was always involved in sports so I think it kept my eating in check.  When I went to college and ate dorm food and drank too much of beverages that were not water, is when I started gaining steadily.  Multiple breakups were also to blame only making the problem worse.  I finally met "the one" and then we ate almost as sport because we were happy and eating was celebratory.  Dieting= punishment mentality.  I've still stayed pretty confident about my appearance.  I guess enough people told me I was pretty along the way to sustain my "anti-anorexia goggles." When I say I am "anti-anorexic", this means that instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a morbidly obese person, I see only my good features and ignore the bad.  "Dang Girl, you're looking good."  Sounds conceited but it's my coping mechanism I think.  Again...paid shrink.

I really committed to losing weight this year.  I joined Weight Watchers and I followed it faithfully for about 8 months.  I had trouble at Christmas but I was able to lose 30 lbs. in all.  THEN my father-in-law passed away and a week later my Grandmother passed away.  Those were tough times to stay on a I didn't.  I've gained about 1/2 of it back. I've never been able to break that 30 pound barrier.  I am currently 268 lbs.  I was 269 earlier but I am doing the preop diet and I have been weighing myself like crazy and now I am 268. I carry about a 1/4 of that weight in my bra.  "bigger than yo' head" is how I frequently describe the girls.  I am sooooo looking forward to some of that disappearing.  I've finished nursing my kids, so I am about done with lugging these things around all the time!  I sure wish I could donate to the needy.  Could be a nice tax break...something to think about.  :P 

Anyway, I am having surgery on July 9, 2013.  This day will surely change my life and help me break my relationship with food.  I was sort of sad about no longer being able to overeat anymore even though I know it's what needs to happen.  It's like an abusive relationship!  It's so bad for me, but I can't stay away!  It's time to break up with food because food has been doing me wrong for so many years.  I need to immerse my time into something else.  Hmmm....housecleaning?  Ugh - I think I just threw up a little at the thought.   I am excited and anxious about the surgery.  Not looking forward to pain, but excited to get it behind me.  I've had two c-sections so I keep thinking it will be somewhat similar.  
I am looking forward to blogging my journey - the good and the bad.