Helloooooo!

Here is my story:  I am 37 years old, I am married to an absolute dream of a man (seriously, I ask myself all the time how I landed him ), I am a mother to a ten year old daughter and a soon to be three year old son. My son keeps me on my toes most of the time.  I love him to the ends of the earth, but he drives me crazy.  I also teach elementary school in Texas, so for 9 months of the year, my life is complete chaos. Also, I teach math, so don't judge me for any grammatical mistakes!  It is crazy hot here right now and the idea of exercising 30 minutes a day sounds like sheer torture.  

I am generally a pretty personable person and I am outgoing.  Sometimes I wonder if I am so outgoing to cover my insecurities about my weight.  That's a topic for another day and possibly a paid psychiatrist. I am having lap band surgery not because I want to change my life, but because I want to prolong the good thing I've got going here.   

Weight wise...I'm not sure when or how I went down the hill of no return.  I was never a small girl, but I was always involved in sports so I think it kept my eating in check.  When I went to college and ate dorm food and drank too much of beverages that were not water, is when I started gaining steadily.  Multiple breakups were also to blame only making the problem worse.  I finally met "the one" and then we ate almost as sport because we were happy and eating was celebratory.  Dieting= punishment mentality.  I've still stayed pretty confident about my appearance.  I guess enough people told me I was pretty along the way to sustain my "anti-anorexia goggles." When I say I am "anti-anorexic", this means that instead of looking in the mirror and seeing a morbidly obese person, I see only my good features and ignore the bad.  "Dang Girl, you're looking good."  Sounds conceited but it's my coping mechanism I think.  Again...paid shrink.

I really committed to losing weight this year.  I joined Weight Watchers and I followed it faithfully for about 8 months.  I had trouble at Christmas but I was able to lose 30 lbs. in all.  THEN my father-in-law passed away and a week later my Grandmother passed away.  Those were tough times to stay on a diet...so I didn't.  I've gained about 1/2 of it back. I've never been able to break that 30 pound barrier.  I am currently 268 lbs.  I was 269 earlier but I am doing the preop diet and I have been weighing myself like crazy and now I am 268. I carry about a 1/4 of that weight in my bra.  "bigger than yo' head" is how I frequently describe the girls.  I am sooooo looking forward to some of that disappearing.  I've finished nursing my kids, so I am about done with lugging these things around all the time!  I sure wish I could donate to the needy.  Could be a nice tax break...something to think about.   

Anyway, I am having surgery on July 9, 2013.  This day will surely change my life and help me break my relationship with food.  I was sort of sad about no longer being able to overeat anymore even though I know it's what needs to happen.  It's like an abusive relationship!  It's so bad for me, but I can't stay away!  It's time to break up with food because food has been doing me wrong for so many years.  I need to immerse my time into something else.  Hmmm....housecleaning?  Ugh - I think I just threw up a little at the thought.   I am excited and anxious about the surgery.  Not looking forward to pain, but excited to get it behind me.  I've had two c-sections so I keep thinking it will be somewhat similar.  
I am looking forward to blogging my journey - the good and the bad.