First Fill

Thank freaking goodness!!! I had my first fill today!

For those that are not in the know about the lap band (which was me about 3 months ago), a fill is when saline is added to the band which increases the tightness of the band and decreases your hunger due to the increased pressure at the top of your stomach.

Fills are performed with a needle in the clinic.  I heard "needle" and immediately my stomach dropped. I was so nervous about it, I thought I was going to have diarrhea on the way there!  Nervous stomach much?!?

It turns out that all of my worry was for nothing.  I didn't look at the needle and it didn't really hurt.  It was uncomfortable for like 15 seconds, but that was it.  I now have 5.5cc's in my band.  :)  I love not being so hungry.  It frees my mind.

I was immediately not hungry and I feel in control again.  I will go again in another two weeks.  I have 24 hours of liquids again and then 24 hours of mushies.  I picked up a meal plan in the lobby that had some great recipes so I made my grocery list from that.  I am going to be out of town a couple of nights next week so I may bring some food with me or make good choices at restaurants or both.

I was also given a chart of my expected weight loss.  I have recreated it below.

So I am right on track essentially for where I am supposed to be.  She told me that it is very common for people to gain weight before their first fill.  I am right on track for hitting my 30 day goal and I may surpass it.  I have committed to not weighing myself until my two week visits at the clinic.  That may be the hardest part!  

My friend Lori gave me some good advice about running.  I am right not to run this early on.  It is too much pressure on my knees.  

http://www.sharecare.com/health/chronic-pain/article/bad-habits-knees-knee-injuries

http://www.npr.org/2011/03/28/134861448/put-those-shoes-on-running-wont-kill-your-knees

"But if people are more than 20 pounds overweight, Lane says they shouldn't start off with an intense running regimen.

"I have them walk and walk until they're to a point where I think their body mass is reduced enough that it won't traumatize their joints," she says. Otherwise, significantly overweight joggers run the risk of that extra weight stressing the knee to the point of inflammation, the formation of bony spurs and accelerated cartilage loss.""

So I am right about continuing to walk.  My original magic number was 220 but now I think it should be 200.  I need to just keep walking and getting after it.  :)  

I almost forgot!  I also bought a new food scale today.  Now I am no longer guessing how much I am eating.  

Love to all!

Exercise, other stuff, and pretending to be a model!

Hello Friends- and Mom...

So I am off obsessing about the stupid scale.  It doesn't define me and the weight loss will come with more fills as long as I don't go nuts.  I have been eating right the last few days and I am feeling good.

I went on a long hike with Hub (yes, he is back!!) and the baby boy on Saturday.  It was much more humid than I thought it was going to be.  I sweat like a dirty old man!  From the picture you can tell that my shirt is messed up at the neck and it's because I kept using it to get the sweat off my face and out of my eyes.  There was a lot of up and down and I am talking about the terrain and not my jiggly parts.  I started logging my hike on Runtastic (my new favorite app along with myfitnesspal) after we had already started.  I am guessing the hike was around 3 miles.  It was right at my limit for the heat and the terrain.

Yesterday I didn't exercise but this morning I went for a long walk on a nearby trail with my hub and son.  We went early enough so that the heat was not too much and I felt like I pushed myself.  

I was tired when we were finished and I have blisters on my feet.  When we get paid, I very dearly need to get some new shoes.  The ones I have right now are great for hiking and uneven terrain, but they are terrible for concrete walking.  Someone suggested I go to RunTex and have them watch me walk so that I can get fitted for the right shoe for me.  The idea of someone watching me walk and evaluating it makes me nervous.  

I think eventually I want to run and train, but my magic number for running I have decided is 220.  I need to get rid of some of this excess weight before I kill my knees trying to run.  At least I know I could walk a 5K based on my recent walking excursions.  We would have been even faster today if it weren't for letting the baby out of the stroller to walk.  

I took a long shower, blow dried my hair, put some makeup on and I may or may not (no one was here to witness said event) have pretended to be a model and took pictures of myself in the name of my blog.  :)  Someone is feeling good about herself!  The scale may not tell me, but my disappearing double chin tells me that things are moving in the right direction.  :)  

Ugh Ugh Ugh (a venting post)

I am pulling my hair out.

I am SO hungry all of the time now.  I have a problem with food which is why I needed the band in the first place.  I have been able to eat.  I had a piece of pizza, a hot dog, a chicken fajita, chips and guacamole....this is over about 4 days, but still...what the HELL is wrong with me?!!!!  I have a lap band.  I am jeopardizing my success for something that tastes good for a second.  I am not even close to 240's now.  I am 256 as of this morning.  I am already struggling this early on.  It's like my own self fulfilling prophecy.  I didn't see me being successful and now I am not.  I rationalized each bad choice by telling myself that it was still much less than I would have eaten before being banded and I am more active now so it must be okay.  The scale is telling me otherwise.

I just want to kick my own ass.  I haven't read that anyone else struggled this much early on.  I especially haven't read that anyone else gained back weight this early on, unless they just aren't telling. Everyone else seemed so on track early on.  I was so excited about losing but now this just feels like a regular old diet that I've never been good at.  I REALLY REALLY miss the satisfied feeling the band gave me the first week.  I NEED that back.  I hate the way I feel right now and so out of control.

How do I win this battle with my head?  I am definitely a candidate for a support group.  This first fill had better give me some help or it will be a very long road to the green zone.  I feel so much more pressure (purposefully at that) to be successful with this band because I have been so open about it.  I've told EVERYONE, even people that probably didn't care to know.  I don't want people to see me fail.

Fellow bandsters, please tell me this gets better and I get the control back.  I want to lose this weight but I am really struggling right now.  It's just me against myself and I have always lost this fight.  :(

I think I must be a person that needs the support group.  I need to see if there is one in my area.

First fill on Tuesday.  I hate the idea of going in to be weighed and I haven't lost any weight or (gasp) I have gained.  What a loser...or should I say gainer?

We are going hiking today. I mowed the yard yesterday (this fit into my rationalizing the fajita last night) but it didn't help me much even though myfitnesspal said it burned 956 calories.  The hiking will be good.
Love to all - thanks to my peeps that have sent me messages letting me know you are reading but aren't commenting.  Some of you said you are having a problem commenting - that your comments don't show.  I don't know why.  If anyone who has more knowledge could help, please do!

My hunger is back!

Hello Blog Readers!

Per my Mom's request this morning...I am providing an updated blog entry.  :)  Love ya Mom.

Pretty much, no news is good news with me.  I am doing really well.  I have kind of been waiting to post because I was hoping to get to 249 before I did.  I have been hovering at 250 for about 5 days.  Two nights ago I walked 3 miles (actually 2.8 but I rounded up) and I thought it would be THE DAY, but alas, it was not THE DAY.  Today I was at 250.5 but I ate a hot dog today to celebrate National Hot Dog Day.  It's not technically mushy food....but I chewed really well and it was one of my two meals today.  I didn't skip a meal, I just woke up really late.  I worked in the kitchen today and started reorganizing my cabinets.  I walked another 3 miles tonight so maybe I made up for the hot dog.  I went at a pretty good pace for the first 3 laps of 4.

They told me the hunger would come back these two weeks and it has.  I honestly don't feel banded at all.  I can't wait for my first fill on Tuesday next week.  I don't enjoy being hungry. I got used to being stronger than my food the last two weeks.  It was a powerful feeling.  For someone that has spent her entire life thinking about what she's going to eat for the next meal, next day, next week, next year at Thanksgiving, it's a freedom that I have never experienced before.  I never thought I would describe it as freedom, but that's exactly what it is.  I'm free from oppression when my band is talking to me.  Right now it has gone silent and I am frustrated.  I've never had a successful relationship with food and I need the band to help me relate.  I'm working to hold on til Tuesday.

Otherwise...life is good!  My boys come home Thursday.  I can't wait to see them.  I miss my baby and my hubby!  He left the day after surgery to handle some things in CT.  I am excited for him to see the changes in me.  I am really glad he wasn't here to witness all of my struggles the last two weeks.  Up and down drama....maybe a little bit o crazy.  He loves me and I am lucky.

Love to all.  By the way...anyone into ZZ Ward?  I've just discovered her and I love the song "Put the Gun Down".

Mowed the lawn

Since the sweet hubs is away, someone has to mow the lawn.  I felt good enough to do it today so hooray for me!  Don't get any ideas that we have a riding mower, it's a push mower but our yard is fairly small.  I was only able to do the front yard before I felt like I was going too hard, so I will do the back yard tomorrow I guess.  I despise yard work.  I don't even feel that word is strong enough.  Loathe maybe...  It all stems from having to help my Mom weed a huge flower bed every summer when we were growing up.  I hated it.  It was hot, I had to crouch down, get dirty, possibly touch bugs, and who knows what else.  That was when we lived in Ohio.  Weeding in Texas is truly hazardous to your health!  The one time I pulled a weed out here, there was a baby rattlesnake curled up underneath it.  Scared the ever loving snot out of me. The neighbor had to get involved and it didn't end well for the baby rattler or my husband for that matter because now I refuse to reach under any bushes or shaded areas for any reason without a big stick.  Not to mention the fire ants and heat stroke that come with living in Texas!!

I am doing really well now.  For my friends that are going to be having surgery soon, give yourself at least a week to recover.  I needed every day of it but I thought I would be feeling better sooner because some people could go back to work 3 days after surgery.  I'm not one of those people but I feel so much more like myself again now.  There are moments that I remember that I am not 100% yet, but they are not often.  Oh yeah...in case anyone is wondering about a follow up to my previous post about poop...the um...consistency...is back to normal.  :)

Moving on...

I made a couple of good mushy meals this week that I want to share.  Someday I want to figure out how to put a tab on my blog for just recipes.  The first night I could eat mushy I made a
mushy lasagna.  I cooked italian sausage and then put it in the food processor.  I also used my food processor to shred zucchini because I read that vegetable skins are not good for this stage of eating.  I figured if I shredded them, they would be small enough to not give me any problems.  I sautéed the zucchini a bit to get some of the moisture out.  I mixed the meat and zucchini together.  It was going to be one of my layers. The other layer was ricotta cheese mixed with an egg and some chopped spinach.  My last layer was tomato and basil marinara sauce.  I layered two times and then topped with marinara and a small sprinkle of mozzarella.  Baked on 350 for about 40 minutes.  My 10 year old didn't like the texture of it.  My friend liked it and I liked it, but then again, I hadn't really solid food in a week.  I eat so little I have leftovers forever.  I took some for lunch this week at my workshops.

Last night I made burrito toppings.  My daughter got to wrap hers in a tortilla but I just put about two tablespoons of each thing in my bowl.  It was awesome!!  I cooked bison (my nutritionist recommended it as being lean and free of all the hormones and additives beef has) in my skillet with chopped onion.  I threw in a can of mild enchilada sauce and let it simmer until the mixture had thickened.  The flavor was awesome.  I had a can of refried beans that I heated up and I made some guacamole.  The three things side by side was so good. I have tons of leftovers of this too. My husband needs to come back so that he can eat some of this stuff.

Have a great weekend!

Freak Out

So I made a huge mistake tonight.  First off, I had diarrhea about three days ago and I blamed it on the ice cream.  I don't think I solid stool again.  Sorry for the info you may not want.  Then today I felt okay during the workshop and then I started feeling crummy around 2 ish.  I had eaten the lunch I brought which was a few bites of cottage cheese and yogurt.  So I drank a protein shake in case I had not eaten enough. My face was warm, felt gross, etc.  I felt better after eating and made it through the day.  Then I went home at 4:30 and had immediate diarrhea.  Fifteen minutes later I had more.  Ugh.

In my infinite wisdom I decided to google to see if anyone else had trouble with diarrhea post-op and I found way more information than I wanted.  I read so many bad reviews about the band and people that had it removed, people that have long term problems related to the band, etc.  It scared the ever-loving crap out of me.  I can't even imagine if I went to all this trouble only to have it "ruin my life" as some people said.

I called the Hub and he reassured me and told me how many people have added years to their lives by having surgery and he reminded me that I had the loose stool issue frequently before surgery.  I would be ridiculously disappointed if I am one of the "ruined my life" people.

Now I don't know where to look when I have questions.  I feel like I stumbled into Poltergeist and I don't want to go back there.  I don't think I will be googling any more symptoms.  Any other banded friends gone through this?  How did you get over all the naysayers?  Uh...and any diarrhea?

1st Post Op Doc appt.

It's my one week bandiversary!  Woop Woop! This is me about 3 minutes ago.  :)

I am feeling MUCH better the last two days!  Once I figured out that the nausea was caused by hunger,  a couple of milkshakes set me straight the last two days.  I've been feeling amazingly better.  I am still burping a lot, but it is improving each day.

Today I went in to the clinic for my post op with the True Results staff.  I like them a lot, but it seems every time I go in there they are running late and I always have to wait at least a half hour.  They are always apologetic, so I think it is coincidental.  I am the giver of multiple chances...anyway...it's not like I can leave them now.  They kind of have me by the lady balls (I've always wanted to say that!!!) now that I am banded.  All of my aftercare is paid for with them.

I was weighed and they show that I lost 12 pounds, not 16 as I showed.  I don't know what weight they used.  I used my heaviest one since I started seeing them which was right after I binged before starting pre-op diet.  I was dressed and I had breakfast.  Whatever.  It's all a loss.  My blood pressure was 114/81.  Nice.  Instead of being happy about 12 pounds lost, I keep obsessing about the fact that some people can lose 20 pounds their first week and why didn't I?  Ridiculous I know, especially since I ate ice cream the last two days.

While I waited for the nutritionist I tried really hard to eavesdrop on the conversations in the adjoining room.  It was fruitless, but one time I thought I heard McDreamy's voice, so I proceeded to look out the window and wonder which fancy car in the parking lot belonged to him.

The nutritionist gave me the go ahead to eat mushy food now.  HOORAY!  I never thought I'd be so happy to eat mushy food!  No more liquids for this girl, or ice cream for that matter.  :(  I can eat soupy stuff, soft stuff, pulverized stuff....  On the way home I got a small Wendy's chili because my protein shake that morning had run out.  I could only eat 5-7 bites of it before I felt full.  It's such a bizarre thing.  I made a grocery list and dragged my unwilling daughter to the store with me to purchase my mushy food.  I made a mushy lasagna tonight.  If it all goes down well tonight I will share it tomorrow. When I got home from the store I was really hungry again so I had maybe a teaspoon of chicken salad. Now I have a great looking dinner and I feel too full to eat it!

I told my husband about this new experience and he laughed and said, "Geesh Jenny, you are going to be like those hoitey toitey ladies that take two bites of something and then say 'I'm stuffed and couldn't eat another bite!'"  I think he is right.  I hope he is right.

This brings me to another thing I've been thinking about.  As much as I want to see myself being successful with this approach, I can't visualize me being a slender human being.  I can't see it.  I want to see it.  I really do.  I think all the previous failures are holding me back from feeling truly confident about this.  Instead of "I am" or "I will", I keep thinking "I hope" and "I want".  I need a vocabulary restructure.

All in all things are good.  I miss my boys and I am ready for them to come home.  I am going to some workshops this week for teaching so I am going to be busy.  I will need to pack and plan ahead.  It's my first challenge of being away from home that long.

Much love to all.  I am so glad and so thankful that you comment and let me know you are reading.  It means a lot to me.  :)

Me thinks...

Me thinks that perhaps my nausea has been caused by eating too little.  Today I had some yogurt (6 ounces) smoothie this morning and then for lunch I had 1/2 of a small peanut butter shake and for dinner I had the rest of it.  Healthy it is not...but it made my day bearable.  At lunchtime I felt really sick like I did last night.  After some research about nausea and lap band patients, I discovered that as much as I don't feel like eating, it will help with the nausea.  It did.

Tomorrow I will eat more healthy stuff but more of it.  I kept wondering why I would feel nauseous after drinking water and then I remembered that I often used to feel nauseous before the band when I drank water on an empty stomach.  Der.

So maybe this will help.  This peanut butter shake has helped me today!

Look who has a freakin' ticker tape!!!

Thank you Chucklehead!  I used the Lily Slim app and was able to get my ticker tape code instead of trying to do it like a picture.  Hooray!!!  Now LapBandGal will be happy when she comes to visit!

So here is my update.  It's not all pretty like I hoped it would be!  Yesterday I got up and went to the bathroom and then got on the scale.  It said 257!  Hooray!  I finally started losing after days of eating next to nothing and exercising!  Tuesday morning I was 262 and 4 days later I had lost 5 pounds.  Not bad, I'd say.

I was happy, got up and went walking with a buddy (Julie :). We walked 2 miles in 30 minutes.  Not bad for this fatty.  I was talking the whole time, so maybe my heart rate wasn't where it should be...but I WAS WALKING!  When we were done I felt good.  I drank some water (sips I think) and then on the way home I started feeling super crappy.  This whole "after surgery week" has been a bunch of feeling good and then feeling really crappy.  I am not sure when it goes bad either.  It just sort of happens.  I went home and took a lukewarm shower and laid down on my bed with the ceiling fan on until I felt good again - it took about 45 minutes.

Next, I put make -up on, got dressed in regular clothes instead of my stretchy pants that I have grown so fond of since surgery, and I took my daughter to see Despicable Me 2 with my friend Ashley.  I felt great the whole movie.  I am so amazed that I don't want to eat anything.  It's a new, weird feeling.  Movie popcorn was right next to me and I did not want to eat a single piece.

And then (cue the dark music)...I started feeling nauseous again and really tired on the way home.  I came home, popped a phenergan, and took a nap.  I felt okay when I woke up and we went to visit another friend (Melissa) at her house.  They ate dinner and we played cards for a while.  At the end of cards I started feeling like crap again.  By the time we got home I really felt terrible.  I had a hard time sleeping because I was so afraid I was going to throw up.  I was miserable and I didn't know how to fix it.  I regretted getting this band and I wondered what the crap I had done to myself when I realized I couldn't take it off myself!!!

I was finally able to doze off.   Today, as my normal mornings go, I feel good.  I hopped on the scale and it says 255.  I am down to the lowest I was able to get on Weight Watchers.  Everything from here on is new territory for me in the last 10 or so years.  It's kind of cool.   I go in on Tuesday for my first follow up visit.  I hate this nausea and I hope they can help me understand why - I am hoping this is just post surgery nausea and not the rest of my life nausea.

Once last thing- the not being hungry thing is so cool.  I want to describe it for you.  I can usually eat when I am not hungry.  Like I can have my empty plate taken away and I will literally be full but I will continue to sit there and eat chips until you are done.  This level of not being hungry is like...Thanksgiving dinner, after you've stuffed yourself and you are so uncomfortable that you can't move and have already stuffed some dessert into any empty crevices you might have had.  It's the kind of full that if you even look at another bite, you might explode.  It's like that.  I feel like that most of the time now.  I'd be happy if that decreased a little, but it is keeping me from eating.  An average day for me now (remember I am still on liquids this week for post op and my diet will not always be this weak) looks like this:

breakfast - 6-8 ounces of low fat yogurt smoothie
lunch - 1/2 (6 ounces) of a protein shake
dinner - 5 ounces of a protein shake

It is hard to get these calories in.   It sounds unbelievable but I mean it.  Geesh this is a long blog.  I probably lost most of you when I was whining about feeling crappy.  :)  Have a great Sunday Friends!

Tickertape (again)

I'm trying the ticker tape again.  Maybe this will work.

Feeling nauseous.  I've been exploring Amy's blog on http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com

It is amazing.  I have gone back and started reading her entries from the beginning.  Her progress is monumental and I have so many things in common with her it gives me hope that this will work for me too.  I've been feeling up and down today.   A lot of nausea and still a lot of gas.  I can't wait to feel completely like myself just with less hunger again!

Day 3 Post Op

I went through some weird depression yesterday afternoon. My husband and son are out of town and my daughter was gone most of the day.  I was bored and lonely.  I usually ease those feelings with food...but post surgery...that is no longer an option.  This FEELING issue is exactly why I needed the band - it wasn't hunger.  I felt trapped and wondered how to handle my feelings.  My friend Ashley came over right when I really started feeling sorry for myself and we went for a walk.  I made my goal yesterday of walking a total of 2.8 miles.  1.4 in the morning and 1.4 in the evening.  So YAY!

I am still burping like a dirty old sailor.  I wish that would go away.  It's painful.  I can't tell when my band is talking to me and when it is gas.  It seems like the signals will be much more clear when I am finished with this gas.  UGH.

Yesterday I ate 6 ounces of a yogurt shake for breakfast, the broth of the Campbell's chicken and stars soup to go (I thought I could handle the rest but I couldn't), and 6 ounces of a protein shake.  You'd think with the walking and the lack of eating, I'd be dropping pounds like they are hot.  Alas, I am not.  I have lost 1 pound in three days.  Sooooooo...I decided to change my approach today.  I am going to get up and get out of the house.  I feel good enough to drive.  I am going to walk around the mall, maybe go to Sam's Club - I love browsing there, and maybe something else where I am more active throughout the day.  I started off with 6 ounces of yogurt shake and 3 ounces of a protein shake.  I feel I had too much.

The coolest thing about this band is that I have only felt hungry once since surgery.  The only way I knew I was hungry was because I heard my stomach growl...I didn't actually feel the hunger.  I am looking forward to real life starting again and going back to work with a routine to keep my mind off of things.

Here is me today 3 days post op in the backyard.  I am dressed with make up on!  Going to force myself out into the world today!

What is that you see?

Wha?!  My face is red and is that SWEAT you see on my forehead (look real close people)?  That's right!  This chick went walking again two days post surgery.  Yesterday I walked .7 miles in the morning and another at night.  Today I pushed a little more and walked 1.4 this morning and I may do another tonight!  Booyah fat ass!  This is going to work for me!  Jason and the little are out of town for a few weeks so my dear friends are helping take care of me.  I would like to have some weight loss to show before he comes back.  I'm not looking to change overnight...just some would be nice.  :)

After eating close to nothing for the last two days I expected some weight loss today.  Just 1/2 pound, but I will take it.  On another note, I had my first #2 post surgery.  TMI I know, but for anyone considering surgery or concerned about their own...I don't want to leave anything out.  At least I know that my digestive system is working okay all the way through.  

I am still really thirsty.  I ate some tomato soup yesterday and I think today I will just stick with protein shakes and water.  I think the sodium in the soup and it filling me up was too much.  Need more water.  It's so hard to teach myself not to gulp.  I am supposed to sip.  I have been a lifetime gulper.  This will be a hard habit to change.  When I am thirsty I want instant satisfaction!!  

Thanks to all for visiting.  Writing this blog has been therapeutic.  I can't wait to look back at it after I have lost a lot of weight.  Ahhh memories!

I tried to put a ticker tape on

Thank you LapBandGal for suggesting the ticker tape.  I like it.  Now I just need someone to help me do it. I tried to put it on as a picture but now all I get is a blue question mark box.  Today is good so far.  I went walking 7/10 of a mile this morning.  I drank 1/2 of a Premier Protein shake today and I am sipping away on my water.  I have my cold pack on, still no shoulder pain. Soooo hooray for now.  I may take some pain meds this afternoon before I take a nap.

pm update:  I am back on pain meds.  I am now starting to feel the soreness of the incisions.  Gas is still there and still really painful.  I had the shake this morning, tomato soup this evening and I have drank about 32 ounces of water so far.  I still need to drink more.  Still have a dry mouth.  I may take a shower this evening if I feel up to it.  I'm going to go walking again once the sun goes down.

Love to all!  Please share my blog with anyone you want.  I want to be able to share with as many as I can.  This experience is going to change my life and my lifetime.  :)

Surgery Day Recap

Hello Blog Readers!

Today was my surgery day!  We woke up at 6:30am which I might add, is quite early for a couple of teachers that are enjoying their summer.  Who am I kidding, I have a toddler that wakes us at 7:30 on the dot every morning anyway.  A girl can dream, can't she?

Anyway, our friend came over to stay with the kids, and with minimal drama from the little, we were able to leave.  Jason was hungry so we stopped at Whataburger so he could get a sandwich and some coffee.  I had so much anxiety going through me it didn't phase me to smell it or watch him eat.  So we went in and I registered, then a young kid who looked really confused and didn't fill me with confidence came to get me for my pee in a cup test.  I didn't think I could do it because I was so thirsty. I thought I had nothing but I was able to come through for the sample.  Booyah!

Next a super sweet nurse came and got me for the rest of my set up.  Behind a tiny little curtain I got down to my skivvies and then Jason helped me with my grande hospital gown.  I did get some sweet yellow socks to put on with grippers on the bottom.  I kept those.  :)  I put all of my XXL clothes into a tiny little bag.  Not sure how they all fit but they did.  I wanted to wear a black shirt in case there was any oozing. Jason thought it was very fitting that I chose my Chuy's (one of our favorite Tex-Mex restaurants)  black t-shirt.  I didn't even think about it but it is kind of funny.  Next I hopped into the bed and my nurse came back and had me sign a bunch of "you might die" paperwork and put my IV in.  I am not sure why IV's have always been a problem for me but they are.  I hate those little bastards more than anything.  When I had the little guy, they tried 4 times to get a good one.  They finally had to call in a specialist.  Today I told her all of my IV troubles and we thought she got it on the first try. We celebrated too soon and she had to get a new one.  The second one was good but the first one left a big bruise.  This was the most painful part of the day.

Pre-op Glory Picture - I'm Dead Sexy

With this nurse, I also got some anti-nausea meds with a small sip of water that I was dying for, and a small shot in the stomach (don't worry, it wasn't painful, just stung a little with the meds) to prevent clotting, and a cocktail of other meds that she was able to put into the IV.  McDreamy Surgeon came in for a minute to say hello and sign some stuff and that was the last I saw him.

I met with the anesthesiologist.  I thought he might be a jerk but then he laughed when after he asked me if I had a tongue ring I asked, "Do people REALLY still have those?"  So then he gave me some meds to get the going to sleep thing going - he called it an appetizer.  I was wheeled to the OR and I helped them get me on the operating table and then the next thing I knew I was awake in recovery.  I was asking for Jason.  I couldn't see anything without my glasses.  My throat hurt from the tube thing they put down you to help you breathe because as my anesthesiologist said, "I stop your breathing and have to do it for you with these tubes. It's easier this way."  YIKES!

I was soooo thirsty but I had to have a barium swallow test first.  There was a line for it, so it took a while.  Now I need to tell you about the absolute worst part....the gas!!!  They pump you with carbon dioxide to make room for the instruments and camera for the laproscopic surgery.  It is so painful.  I kept burping and burping and I was up and walking within about 45 minutes of my surgery just to try and get the gas out.  The nurses all seemed impressed that I got myself up and started going on my own.  This was nothing compared to the c-sections.  Since they were impressed, I decided to keep doing it.  I went around the section we were in several times.  I'm not sure if it helped but I don't have shoulder pain (yet) that so many people get with this surgery.  I also did not have a hiatal hernia which I think my surgeon said 90% of people have when they go in for this surgery.  I'm not sure if that is related to my lack of shoulder pain but I am good just handling all of this painful gas.  I don't need the shoulder pain.  I hope it doesn't show up tomorrow.  :(  That would really stink.

I finally got in for my barium test and it was cool.  They want to make sure that liquids pass through the band easily and that there is not too much swelling.  I got to watch it.  A guy down the hall didn't pass his test.  He finally did a retake after me and did just fine.  Then I got a 8 oz bottle of water! YIPPEEEE!  I was so happy to get it.

After that I got dressed and took my party favor bag from the hospital.  I love the ice pack!  She told me to eat something before I took my pain meds so we stopped on the way home and got a small chocolate shake.  I could only eat about a 1/4 cup of it.  It was enough to help my meds go down without upset.  I was so tired, I could barely keep my eyes open.  As soon as we got home I went to bed.  I woke up four hours later and I am feeling good for the moment.  I am drinking chicken broth in small sips and of course writing this.  Also, I took a picture of my belly with the incisions glued up.  Don't look if you are squeamish.  The white spots are my dirty mirror, not my dirty body!  Well, shoot.  I can't get this picture to upload.  I can try again tomorrow to get this picture up or maybe this is letting me know it's not a good idea to put pictures of my naked, scarred belly online.  :)  They are five small incisions with glue on top and bruising around them.  They should heal well.

By for now Friends!  Thanks for reading and posting.  I love the feedback.

Holy Crap - My Before Pictures

I weighed in today at 262lbs.  (long sigh) It just means I have a lot of work to do!  The rewards will be many.

I wasn't ready for this one, but I like that I will be able to see me change in relation to the door.  

My husband takes pics so far away!

The side view with this weird flippy thing my hair is doing.  

Holy Booty Batman!

 

Big Day!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!  July 9, 2013 is the date I will use for everything in the future when conversing with people about the day my life changed.

Tomorrow...

I become a member of "the club" and I can refer to myself as banded.  

I change my relationship with food for the rest of my life.

I begin a new journey that I feel is going to lead to such great things for me and my family.

I am finally not alone in my internal struggle with food!  I have my own "little buddy" to guide me with food choices FOREVER.

Tomorrow I can finally start looking in the rearview mirror at the 260's, size 22 pants, size 2X shirts and KNOW that I won't need them in the future.

I have the weird feeling that I am betraying my body in some way by getting the band put in.  It's weird to think it will be there.  My stomach has been a good stomach, it's always been healthy and has kept me nourished.  I don't like to think I am punishing it for allowing me to overeat.  Instead...I'm going to think of the band as giving my stomach a HUG.  :)  I am ready to get this party started.

I've actually been able to get used to the pre-op Atkins diet, which makes me feel like the post banded lifestyle is something I can handle.  I just miss fruit.  I haven't been losing any more weight though.  That has me nervous.   I hope my liver is "cute", as my doctor said, so that surgery will go smoothly.

I have my bag of meds ready to head to the hospital in the morning along with my well-worn folder of intelligence from True Results.  We are going to clean today, and get some BEFORE pictures taken this afternoon.  We also talked about going to the zoo this afternoon.  Who really wants to clean?   Not this girl!

Meds Meds Meds

Fun Exercise DVD?!

I need some help!  I love Zumba, but I need a video that I can do after school on days when either I can't go to Zumba, or I want to do a double.  Does anyone have any good suggestions?

I'd like it to be really fun with music that makes you want to shake your booty (I am good at that), and energizes you.  Nothing too technical or difficult to follow.

Anyone?

Met My McDreamy Surgeon

Here is it Thursday - the 4th of July!  I was so excited about my visit to see my surgeon on Tuesday but it was really no big deal.  There were seven other people in the room who are getting their surgery the same day.  Hello assembly line...

Here are the highlights:

• They went over the "Eight Golden Rules" of lap band success
1. Eat three or less small meals a day
2. Do not eat anything between meals (this will be difficult)
3. Eat slowly and stop when no longer hungry
4. Focus on nutritional foods
5. Avoid calorie containing liquids
6. Exercise for at least 30 minutes a day
7. Be active throughout each day
8. Always be in contact with support staff (go in for monthly adjustments)
• We got our prescriptions for pain relief and an anti-nausea suppository (good times)
• My surgery time is 9:15 - and I need to be there two hours early and it's an hour+ drive.  
• We got a video to watch at home.  Jason watched with me so that he can see what I need to do and how he can support me.  

Once our patient advocate left the room everyone talked about how they cheated on the pre-op diet!  I have been so good and hadn't cheated at all (notice how I used past tense).  So when I left there I came home and made my lunch.  I nibbled on little naughty things here and there like it was no big deal.  :(  I was sabotaged by the strangers in the room and the conversation with our surgeon.  He told us that a lot of doctors around the world don't put their patients on a pre-op diet to shrink their livers.  He said he does it with all of his patients because one time he had a patient that had binged before surgery eating all of his "one last time" foods.  His liver was so big and fat that the doctor couldn't put the band on.  So the guy went through surgery and recovery, but didn't get a band.  That is sad.  So I really left feeling like the diet wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it was.  I wish I'd never gone to that stupid meeting - pre-op is now harder than ever.  

My surgeon is cute - something about doctors is handsome in general.  So I had a private meeting with my handsome doctor to ask him if my ginormous boobs would be a problem during the operation or during recovery.  That was fun.  : /  He smiled and said it wouldn't be a problem.  I feel a little uncomfortable with a handsome doctor opening me up.  Not sure I want an unattractive doctor doing it either.  

Happy Fourth of July to everybody!.

 

Do I NEED surgery?

I started my pre-op diet (Atkins - no more than 20 grams of carbs a day) last Tuesday.  It's been relatively easy.  I've only had a few times that it was truly difficult.  The first time was the s'mores on vacation, the other was cutting the Bluebonnet Cafe pancakes for my son, and the third was the banana bread from yesterday.  I overcame all of these events because I didn't want to jeopardize my surgery.

Today I weighed myself on my fancy new Weight Watchers scale and I have lost 8 pounds since starting the pre-op diet!  While this is good news...it's made me question whether I should go through with surgery.  Maybe I should just stick it out and keep working on it...But I know myself.  Honestly and thoroughly...I know myself.  I can sustain a program for a while, but as soon as I get off of it...I GO WAY OFF.  The band will help me monitor myself.

I go in to meet my surgeon tomorrow.  I really hope they weigh me and are excited about my loss so far.  If this loss continues, at the end of next week I should be back to where I was before I jumped off of Weight Watchers in May.

I am looking at everyone's before and after surgery pictures.  It is very inspiring, but I have a hard time imagining myself under 200 lbs again.  A REALLY hard time.  It's seemed so out of reach for so long, it feels like a fantasy to let myself think about it.  Like I should be laughing at myself for thinking that far ahead.

In OTHER good news, a friend of mine that blogs a lot is going to work with me to fancy up my page and help me make it look more appealing.  I had blog envy yesterday when I looked around at a lot of other blogs.  I thought this blog was going to be helping me so that I didn't talk about weight loss, weight loss surgery, or the things I'm going to do after surgery during every waking hour.  To the unspoken dismay of my friends and family...it hasn't started working yet.  I'm still blabbing away!

I can't wait to post about tomorrow!