I am SO hungry all of the time now. I have a problem with food which is why I needed the band in the first place. I have been able to eat. I had a piece of pizza, a hot dog, a chicken fajita, chips and guacamole....this is over about 4 days, but still...what the HELL is wrong with me?!!!! I have a lap band. I am jeopardizing my success for something that tastes good for a second. I am not even close to 240's now. I am 256 as of this morning. I am already struggling this early on. It's like my own self fulfilling prophecy. I didn't see me being successful and now I am not. I rationalized each bad choice by telling myself that it was still much less than I would have eaten before being banded and I am more active now so it must be okay. The scale is telling me otherwise.
I just want to kick my own ass. I haven't read that anyone else struggled this much early on. I especially haven't read that anyone else gained back weight this early on, unless they just aren't telling. Everyone else seemed so on track early on. I was so excited about losing but now this just feels like a regular old diet that I've never been good at. I REALLY REALLY miss the satisfied feeling the band gave me the first week. I NEED that back. I hate the way I feel right now and so out of control.
How do I win this battle with my head? I am definitely a candidate for a support group. This first fill had better give me some help or it will be a very long road to the green zone. I feel so much more pressure (purposefully at that) to be successful with this band because I have been so open about it. I've told EVERYONE, even people that probably didn't care to know. I don't want people to see me fail.
Fellow bandsters, please tell me this gets better and I get the control back. I want to lose this weight but I am really struggling right now. It's just me against myself and I have always lost this fight. :(
I think I must be a person that needs the support group. I need to see if there is one in my area.
First fill on Tuesday. I hate the idea of going in to be weighed and I haven't lost any weight or (gasp) I have gained. What a loser...or should I say gainer?
We are going hiking today. I mowed the yard yesterday (this fit into my rationalizing the fajita last night) but it didn't help me much even though myfitnesspal said it burned 956 calories. The hiking will be good.
Love to all - thanks to my peeps that have sent me messages letting me know you are reading but aren't commenting. Some of you said you are having a problem commenting - that your comments don't show. I don't know why. If anyone who has more knowledge could help, please do!
I had a problem commenting at first, but had to get a google account....Hang in there. Its early in the game! After your first fill, im sure you will get a feel of what you can and cannot eat. I think it also will keep you on track. Right now, its a mental game. You know you dont have the fill, therefore you are feeling everything is "game" You sound like you are conscious of your decisions, so Im pretty sure it will all fall into place sooner than you think!
ReplyDeleteIt's going to get better. Don't feel like all is lost...you are going to be amazed at what a fill will do for you. A few weeks ago I had days when I felt like my hunger was the same as it ever was...very discouraging. But that was only temporary. You are in bandster hell right now. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes...find a support group. Mine meets once a month and it is really nice to talk with people that are going through the same thing.
Can you call your case manager? IDK what to say. It stinks to feel that way! A support group seems like a good idea!
ReplyDeleteYou know, I run. Getting back into it more now (recovered from childbirth, then a pretty bad ankle sprain on a 4 mile run a couple months ago). And I read Runners World magazine... and people write a lot about their running journeys, kind of like you writing about your weight loss journey. Anyway, it is a common theme for people who start running - really running - to get overconfident about their fitness level and the amount of calories they're burning. They justify eating a LOT more because of all the running they do. It is not uncommon for runners to gain up to 30 pounds while training for their FIRST marathon. Crazy, right? And running makes you HUNGRY. But that has to be overcome, too.
Anyway, back to my point before I get off on tangents and forget it entirely...
Exercise makes your body work efficiently, makes you healthier, and tones your muscles. It is part of a healthy lifestyle, but that's where it ends. Calorie reduction is THE way to lose weight. Period. Just keep reminding yourself of that. I remember reading something that has always stuck with me...
Dieting makes you look better in your clothes; Exercise makes you look better naked ;)
Hang in there Jen! You can totally do this!! I'm super fearful of the 'still hungry/bandster hell' phase because I have no will power when it comes to food. I've read a few thousand (maybe a SLIGHT exaggeration) blogs at this point and I've heard of several gaining by thir first fill and still rocking it later after a full or two. Don't worry about last week, it's over! Just work on today and you're going to beat this!
ReplyDeleteOh Jen! i struggled! I gained 4 pounds back at week 2. I had the WORST time with food at the beginning because I hadn't figured out what worked for me yet. Once I got it figured out...guess what...I still eat fajitas, chips/guac/pizza and hotdogs...just much less frequently and in much less quantities. My personal quest was to figure out how to love food without overindulging in it and create a good relationship with it...not a dependency which is what I had before....I'm getting there...and I still occasionally have a cookie..heck...I had icecream yesterday...! I guess what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up...lets work on a solution thats good for you and double check your numbers...are you getting in enough protein every day (that helps with hunger) are you eating really slow? (20 min/meal) are you chewing every bite to mush? Its tedious, yes...but those are what in the end makes this all finally work. I know you can do it!
ReplyDeleteJen... My friend.... EVERYONE goes through what you are going through... I did also. At first i ate the same things you ate, but i didn't have someone telling me... It's going to be alright. and to still portion out my food. It just hit me one day.... hey stupid (me).. stop eating just because you can. So at that moment.. i started eating my allotted amount and no more... was i hungry... HELL yes i was hungry. So what did i do.... I went for a walk, exercised... You are in control even though you don't think so...
ReplyDeleteSo i will be honest... it took me 4 fills before i felt a "full" feeling... But i have a 14cc band. My doctor was not aggressive at first, until i said.... Hey doc this is not working for me. I need more.... That is what i needed.. i needed to take charge and i did. Before the TT i had 10.5cc in my band and i was deff in the green zone. Now i have 10.9cc and i feel like i could use more. But i will wait for now. Last time i went he was not sure about giving me one... but i insisted so he put in .4cc. I started exercising again and have already lost 3lbs... So this goes to show you... you have to move to lose. Good luck darling.
I think it's pretty normal to gain some back during bandster hell. I didn't gain and they seemed surprised by that at my weigh-ins. I know one thing that I always seemed to notice about the people that were most successful with the band was that they weighed and measured their food, and ate (or tried to) as if they were already in the green zone, volume-wise. So that's what I did too. Weighing, measuring, and using my FitnessPal have been invaluable to me. But it's always still a bit of a struggle - even after multiple adjustments. Hope your next fill helps! And I hope to see you at an Austin support group meeting!
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