Summer Summer Summer Time!

Hi guys! 

I haven't been blogging but I haven't had much news to report.  Nothing good anyway.  I got down to 204 at one point.  It was my lowest low and I got there with Atkins.  I didn't make my birthday goal of being under 200.  I got off of Atkins and rebounded back up to 216.  I am slowly coming back down and I should really just stop eating when I am full and go back to counting calories...ugh. 

I got an IUD placed in May I had general pain in "my gut".  I didn't know if it was form my band or my IUD.  I went in and saw Carol and all my friends at True Results.  I love them.  Bernadette works up front and I swear we would be besties if we lived closer.  We like all of the same things and she makes me laugh.  Anyway, I was having a hard time drinking water without a lot of burping and I was having a lot of pain. I thought for sure that my band had slipped and I had dilated. 

I saw Carol and she gave me another barium scan to make sure things are okay.  She said things looked great.  The restriction looked good but she saw and showed me a HUGE ball of gas hovering to the right side of my band.  It was bigger than a grapefruit.  She asked if I was drinking through straws, drinking carbonated beverages, or chewing gum.  I said, "yes, yes, and yes".   Apparently these little habits of mine have contributed to a terrible gas buildup that is causing me so much pain.  So I have given up carbonated beverages, drinking from a straw (this one hurts the most because I have some cute little cups that come with cute little straws), and chewing gum.  I also had slowed down on my exercise, but the exercise helps eliminate the gas.  I was happy to have something to work on to help the problem.  Since my visit, I have made all of the changes and I am much more comfortable!!!  Problem solved! 

I am a little disappointed that I have not continued to make progress toward my weight loss goals.  Two steps forward, one step back.  My bandiversary is July 9th.  After that I am really on my own!  I will have to pay to see Carol and Bernadette again.  All of my post op care is done.  :(((  So sad....but on to positive notes...I will do a big one year post with pictures!

My new goal is try to be under 200 by my bandiversary.  Thinking about losing weight all the time is really exhausting.  It's hard to always be on board with it 24/7.  I've never kept up with it for this long.  It really helps that the band leaves me no choice.  I continue to try to push it though and wish I didn't...old habits die hard.  Right now I am struggling to make an appropriate plate for myself.  My new self wants to fill my plate like my old self would have.  AND THEN...my new self wants to finish my plate like my old self would want.  It's a cycle.  When I overeat I feel the gas issue and pain creeping back in. 

In some really good news, I've had a few NSV (non-scale victories) lately:

• Last year my swimsuit was a size 24 - this year, it's a size 16  :)
• I went to the baseball game with my brother...and I didn't even have to think about it...my butt fit in the chair comfortably.  It's so nice to live like the other half lives in regards to seating arrangements. 

  

  Me and my boy at the game

  

  Look - it's my big butt fitting comfortably in the seat - so much that I can turn at a weird angle.  :)

  
  

  
  

•  In the past when I have gone swimming, I would always swim over to the stairs and walk up the stairs to get out of the pool - I was always afraid that I would be unable to pull my own body weight out of the pool using the ladder.  Well yesterday...I used the ladder without even thinking about it.  Once I got out of the pool... I had "the moment" when I realized that I was unable to do the same thing last year!  It's a small victory.  
• Another slightly disappointing victory was that I have lost some of my flotation ability.  :(  I used to be able to tread water indefinitely.  I used to call this my super power.  Now I am not nearly as buoyant and treading water is much more difficult!  I guess this is a good thing.  

I'm back to working hard on this weight loss.  I am back to lifting weights again and lots of cardio.  I walked 4 miles this morning and I'm doing another 5 tonight.  Booyah!

Love to all!

Hey Heyyyyy....

Hello Friends! 

I continue to struggle getting this weight off...it's not been easy.  I keep battling my brain.  I've discovered that I can pretty much eat anything I want as long as I chew like crazy first.  So I have "outsmarted" myself.  Ugh.  Sometimes I really piss myself off.  I'm stubborn and I can talk myself into ANYTHING!  I also can't say no to anyone very easily....including me!

I did really well on Atkins.  I got down to 207.  When I got off, I went crazy and started gaining again.  Now I am back to 216 this morning.  So here I go again....back on today.  I'm eating my breakfast of eggs and sausage as I type. 

If I can just get down to my goal, I think I can manage it with exercise and Atkins when I get above a certain weight.  It's getting down in the first place that is difficult.  I have already bagged up all of my fat clothes so there is no way I am getting back into that bag.  I was almost a steady 16 but now I am a full 18 again.  This road is rough.  I have a friend that had a different procedure (sleeve) this summer and she is rocking it.  She is way smaller than me and seems to not have any problems with eating.  I am trying not to be jealous.  Every time I see her I wonder if I chose the right procedure for me. 

On the exercise front....I walked a 10 mile race in Austin two weekends ago.  It was super fun but I have not been the same since!  My hips and hip flexors are stiff and I don't feel as limber as I was before the race.  I think I need to start taking joint support meds...knees and hips are getting old.  BUT....I DID the race!  I walked ten miles!  Holy Moly!  I would not have imagined such an event a year ago....NO WAY!  I was going to post some pictures of the actual race but the photos that they took always caught my boobs on a downward step...I needed an upswing picture but didn't get one.  :)

Here are some before and after pics - we went with an 80's theme...It was a lot of fun. 

My "sassy" face needs some work...

I am going to see my parents and my Grandpa next weekend.  I want to look my best which means I am going to do everything I can to get down as much as I can this week.  It's not time to let off, I have to keep working.  I wish I made time to blog more often...I always feel so much more energized about my weight loss when I do.  I need the feedback from my friends and family, it always rejuvenates me.  I need to commit to blogging, even if it's a small one, once a week.  I need the accountability.  This battle of the bulge is a rough one.  I might lose a few battles, but I WILL WIN THIS WAR!  I'm still committed to being under 200 by my birthday.  It will happen. 

A DARK PERIOD (cue the spooky music)

Hello Blog Readers....

Let me update you on what will now be known as THE DARK TIME this last month.  I got to 216 one time but then I went up, up, up and never went back.  I started playing the mental games with myself.  I was getting discouraged with myself and my stupid brain.  I had those conversations all fatties have with themselves....
"I've lost some weight, I should be able to eat what I want."

"I had a rough day, I deserve it."

"It's just a little bit" (as I scarf Doritos down while I am cooking dinner)

"I look pretty good now, why not?"

"I'm more like a normal person now and I'm sure normal people eat this so I should be able to also."

"I'll work out tomorrow- it's no big deal"

All of these conversations coupled with the Valentine's Day candy my students gave me and the fact that my number one cheerleader (Sweet Carol at True Results) was unavailable the past few times I went (APPARENTLY she has her own life - geesh) led to a decrease in weight loss and even a gain.  Even when I saw Carol three weeks ago she told me to lose four pounds in two weeks and to start journaling every thing I ate.  She even gave me a journal to use with a cute little pen that attaches.  I thought I was back on board...but alas...it wasn't the ass kicking I needed.  I journaled for a day then I lost it and found it at the end of my two week time - and you know I can't use regular paper when I have a cute journal to use.  :(  I also cut back on the gym because our family was pretty busy and it became really hard to get away from the house.

And here comes the good news:  Ready?!  Are you really ready?!  I saw Sweet Carol (my savior) last Tuesday and we talked a lot.  I told her about my onset of apathy and how I was reverting to the thinking of my old super fat self and I was repeating my life story....I can stick with anything but only for a limited amount of time and then I give up if the results are not immediate.  It's the way things have always ran for me.   She said I needed to jump start my weight loss again to motivate me.  So she came up with a plan.....

I am on Atkins (meat, certain vegetables, cheese, and cream - no more than 20 grams of carbs ) for two weeks until I see Sweet Carol again.   She said I can lose between 8-10 pounds while on it.   I was getting a pedicure the other day and they offered me a glass of wine.  I almost had it to my lips when I remembered that wine has carbs!  Ah Crap!  The horror!  I had to direct the wine to my friend.  That has been the hardest moment so far.  It's just like going back to presurgery diet.  Ain't no big thang.  What is keeping me on track with no slip-ups is the crazy results I am getting!  On Tuesday of last week I was 223lbs.  Today I was 214lbs!  Holy Moly!  My goal of being under 200 by my birthday in May is now looking totally attainable again!

Carol also said that if this doesn't work we will do another barium scan and add more fluid.  YIKES!  I don't want more fluid.  I get stuck about every other day - usually when I am eating and talking at the same time (can't multi-task).  If I get fluid added then it will really be no fun to eat EVER!  It should be considered fun anyway since it should be a function to keep you alive, yadda yadda yadda...but it still is fun to eat, I don't care who you are!  The threat of more fluid is enough to keep me on track right now.

The exercise is going really well.  I went to the gym three nights and Sunday last week.  I'm trying to condition myself for April because I've entered in the Austin 10/20.  It's an event where you walk/run 10 miles and there are twenty bands - one every half mile.  Doesn't that sound fun?  I just want to make sure I finish.  I walked eight miles today (tied my personal best) and I've been doing the weight training at the gym - steadily increasing what I can lift from week to week.  I am feeling strong and I am feeling capable again!

I can do this!  I am not stopping at half way or half-assed like I usually do!  I am worth it. 

A Regular Person!

First off...let me apologize again for my delay in posting!  Life (and my three year old tornado) gets in the way...

Here are some updates on my life and my lap band:

• I've noticed in some recent pictures of me (that I continue to stare at unapologetically), that people that I used to dwarf by my size...now don't look that different than me!  I don't look like a giant anymore.  This is me (the brunette) with one of my friends and her sweet baby that moved away but came for a visit.  She is an active/fit person.  I'm frustrated that now that I am also active and getting fit - I can't play with her anymore....Grrr  Also...she is now moved near the top of my friend list because she said two things:  #1) "Your pictures don't do you justice" #2) "You don't even look like you are 220 pounds"....Hells yeah!

• My lowest weight this month has been 216 pounds.  I made it to the teens!  Unfortunately I have been wavering like crazy.   This morning I was 220.  I go up, I go down, I go up, I go down.  This happens every time I lose five pounds.  It's frustrating, but if I just wait it out...I usually start going down again.  I've also not been making the best food choices.  I have a great big "DUH" for myself.  My goal right now is to be under 200 pounds by my birthday in May.  If I am going to make this happen....I better get this butt in gear fast.  I need to chill on the eating and listen to my body and band better.

• Speaking of my band...I went in for a visit last week and no news to report.  I didn't lose a single pound since my last visit.  Carol has been out of the office the last two times I have gone to the clinic.  I miss that lady.  This time there was a lady there from the Dallas clinic.  She told me to stop eating so much soup so that my body would get full faster from solid food.  Hmmm.  Makes sense.  I love the staff at True Results.  I've been getting to know them and they are fun.  I am going to be sad to say goodbye to those guys.  

after with 3D fiber lashes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 









before with regular mascara

• I have been distracted lately because I have started selling Younique makeup.  I am sooooo not a salesperson...I just like their makeup - their mascara for sure.  How can you argue with this?! If you are interested in crazy lashes like this check out my website: https://www.youniqueproducts.com/JenniferMaine  There- that's my commercial.  I really do love the makeup and the company is pretty young in my area. 

• I had blood drawn this weekend to go back to see my primary care physician....remember my concerns about iron?  Well anyway...that spot on my face from Christmas that I wrote about still hasn't gone away so I saw the dermatologist a few weeks ago.   The first doctor I saw wasn't sure what it was (which is always a good sign  :/) so she called in the oldest doctor at the facility because surely he has seen something as hideous as this bumpy spot on my jawline.  Right???  
• He took a look and said a bunch of things I can't remember.  What I do remember is hearing him say it looks a little like Sweets Syndrome. He also said we would try the cortisone cream for a while to see if it would go away on it's own before having to do a biopsy on my face with stitches and all.  Great.  So he left and my original doctor talked with me and wrote my prescription.  She said that I wasn't showing any other signs for Sweet's Syndrome and not to worry.  I replied, "So I shouldn't go home and google it is what you are telling me?"  She said "yes, don't google it."  So of course I went home and googled it immediately.  Turns out that Sweet's Syndrome has a bunch of pictures on google that look WAY worse than mine!  It can also be an indicator of impending Leukemia.  Again...Great.  
• So I called my primary and told her the good news.  She ordered some additional tests for the blood I had drawn this weekend.  I see her on Wednesday to go over the results.  Keep your fingers crossed that this is nothing serious.  Please.  I'm a little nervous to say the least.  The medicine they gave me for my face is not working.  :(
• I exercised like a crazy person today. I walked/ran 5 miles in 65 minutes today...my best time ever!!! I also went for a good hike (somewhere around 4 miles) this afternoon.  If I could just eat less I would be in such great shape!!!

Love to all - I will update after Wednesday. 

6 months banded with pics!

Hello Friends!

Well, January 9th, made it six months since I had lap band surgery.  I have lot of thoughts and pictures to share!

First off, on Wednesday I went to see Sweet Carol at True Results.  I lost 6 pounds in three weeks according to their scale.  I was surprised it was that high!  I think I lost all of that weight right after my last fill.  I am still not in the two-teens.  I'm hovering at 222 and despite my exercise, my eating choices are keeping me there.  :(  We did a barium scan and everything looks great.  I have no dilation (a pouch above your band that your body can make to try to make a new storage area for your food because you are eating too fast or too much) and my restriction (fluid level in my band) is at a good level.  She said everything looks good and then corrected herself and said it looks "perfect."  So now it truly is up to me to make this work the rest of the way.  Super scary.

 In the picture above, the arrow is pointing to my band.  The left picture shows my band with no barium.  The second picture shows the barium being funneled through my band, the third shows the fluid going into my stomach, and the last one shows it all in my stomach.  No wonder my bites have to be small and my chewing has to be good!  There isn't a lot of room for stuff to go through!

My eating has not been good lately.  I've had Mexican food too many times but OMG I love chips and queso!!!!  Christmas started us on a bad habit of getting ice cream in the evening (gasp! I know....)  I am still snacking when I get home and my parents gave us a huge bucket of jelly bellys for Christmas.  I've been eating those little bastards handfuls at a time.  Darn it!!!!  The good news is that they are almost gone.  I told my husband that I am banning Mexican food for a while and if he wants to go then I will go to the gym instead.  Also...the whole um....poop situation that I talked about in previous blogs has disappeared since I have been eating less healthy.  It's not a good thing exactly, it's just nice to be able to go like normal people go. 

I've been going to physical therapy for my hip and it seems to be improving.  I am still tender but it is getting a lot better.  I started walking more again this week but I am taking it slower.  I also started circuit training this week to increase my strength.  I think that is helping too.  I am kind of hooked on that.  My new routine is to go in, circuit train, walk on treadmill, hit the massage chair....ahhhhhh.   I am constantly thinking about when I can go to the gym again.  Thank goodness my husband is so supportive.  I am becoming a gym junkie. 

I felt good enough to walk the 5K this Saturday.  There were a lot of hills.  I found it really difficult to go slow so I probably pushed myself more than I should.  My daughter won a medal for 3rd place in her age group.  I like the fact that this lifestyle is affecting my family in a positive way.  I pushed my son the whole way in his umbrella stroller and my time wasn't that far off from my last 5K.  I ran a little on the downhill (shhhh - don't tell. 

This weekend was a BEAUTIFUL weekend for hiking.  We went to two local parks and had such an amazing hike both days.  I love hiking so much.  I love exploring new places and I like feeling like I am rugged when I am not.  The first day I went with my daughter about two hours after our 5K.  Have more energy these days?  Yes I do!  I saw this picture on the right and I really felt good about it!  I posted it on FB and received lots of positive comments.  A friend actually sent me a comparative picture with this picture taken yesterday and one that was taken two and a half years ago:
I was feeling so positive about everything and then...I took my six month banded pictures....
it kind of broke me down with the harsh reality of how far I still need to go.  I also haven't seen much change since my last progress picture.  My husband reminded me that the most dramatic changes have already happened.  There will probably not be any more huge dramatic changes because my weight loss has slowed.  It's still happening, it has just slowed down considerably.  The biggest changes will be in the difference between the beginning and the now pictures. I've decided to focus on the journey instead of the small increments of pictures since I can't really tell much of a change from October until now. 


 I have lost that red shirt and the shorts don't fit anymore so I have to wear the tighter black ones.  I am wearing a sports bra and a knit cami - sorry about the cleavage, I was trying to pick an outfit that would show my body. I'd never wear either outfit in public, but I will post them online for the entire world to possibly see.

GO FIGURE! 

The picture above is my new picture with an overlay of a partially transparent old picture.  I matched up my eyes as best I could.  You can see a change in my midsection and my arms. 





This picture is odd because it looks like the old me is smiling at the new me and the new me is grimacing at the old me and sending death threats.  I looked like such a happy girl.

I sure wish I had remembered which direction I had turned so that I could line them up. 







Here is my favorite...the booty shot.  This and the picture are above are the ones that saddened me the most.  That is...until I compared them.  Now...who cares if I am not as small as I looked in the hiking picture....I'm still a lot smaller than I was this summer!   I just have more to go. 

Here is the line up.  It's still big, but it is getting smaller. 
 

Hmmmm....My hair is longer and the picture quality is better.  Otherwise...not much to see here.  Maybe my chin is smaller and my face creases are not as deep.  Eh - whatever - check back in another six months.

The top things I like LOVE about my lap band:

1.  My new affection for exercise-it's my new MUST have- it's not just physical, it's the mental clarity and goal setting I love also.
2.  The feeling of control, power, and general well-being I have- I'm no longer spinning out of control constantly thinking about food and my next meal. 
3.  The new friends I have made and the support I have found.  I love blogging even though it's tough to find time to do it sometimes. I am looking forward to making a book out of it so that I can keep it and look back at my journey. 
4.  The way my husband looks at me and I love hearing him tell other people about my success.
5.  SHOPPING
6.  Constant daydreaming about what I will be capable of when I get closer to goal.
7.  I am a soup-eater now.  I've never been a soup-eater but now I love it.  I don't have to worry about eating it correctly and it goes down well.
8.  I love when people ask me about my lap band and I can share my story.  I would SERIOUSLY love to work for TRUE RESULTS.  HIRE ME!!!! (is this thing on?)
9.  All the positive comments from people telling me how much change they can see.  I read and reread everything and I repeat conversations in my head.  It keeps me feeling motivated.
10.  I can't overeat like I used to.  

The things I don't like about my lap band:

1.  I can't overeat like I used to.  Sometimes I still want to gorge myself but I can't.
2.  Even though it's not a big deal when it happens, I don't like the throwing up when I do bonehead things like not eating slowly or not chewing correctly.
3.  It doesn't overcome my mental problems with food.  Those are still there and are difficult to look at sometimes.
4.  I miss being able to really enjoy a sandwich and I will never again be able to eat deep dish pizza.  I can eat sandwiches sometimes but it's not a normal thing because it takes a long to eat and I have to be REALLY careful. 
5.  I really am not super fond of my port.  I touch it all the time and sometimes I can feel it when I am doing crunches.
6.  Not crazy about the fill process, but I love what they do for me. 

Would I do it again?  YES, YES, YES.  Ideally I would have never been fat...but since that was a regret of the past, it was time to be solution oriented.  I wish every day that I had done it sooner.  I'm glad I did it now instead of another five-ten years down the road.  I'm finally starting to live the life I wanted for myself and my family.  I am healthier and I will live longer for my children because I made this choice.  Not everyone needs it, but I needed the help.  I'm not ashamed of my choice and I never will be.  I'm proud that I was aware of my weaknesses and assertive enough to take the steps I needed to in order to fix myself.

The next six months should be interesting.  I fear these six months will be more of a struggle.  I'm already fighting for every pound.  I need to get on board with eating correctly and continuing my exercise journey.  I don't ever want to go back.  EVER.  I love my new life.  LOVE. 

 

Sweater Dress and Injuries

Hello Friends!  Sorry for the lapse in blogging - I've been enjoying my Christmas break - for the most part.  These first two pictures are of a 5K we did on December 14th.  I had my best time:  44:13 -which put me at a 14:16 minute mile.  It was a good race and I felt good.  I wish that had lasted....how is THAT for foreshadowing?


I didn't fare very well on my eating the last week of school.  There were soooo many treats and the kids kept bringing me chocolate!!  Crap!  The ABSOLUTE funniest thing that happened was that I bought a girdle so that I could fit into a very snug pair of size 18 jeans.  I actually bought it to wear my sweater dress but it worked like magic so I tried it with jeans on our last jeans day of the year.  One of my students said, "Mrs. M..., you have lost a lot of weight!"  I thanked him and acknowledged that I "have been working on it".  Then he said, "No....like since YESTERDAY!  Thirty pounds!"  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


I went in to see Carol at True Results and I was able to get a .2 fill.  It has made a big difference and it has put me much closer to where I feel I need to be.  I go in this Wednesday for a barium scan.  I still feel like I could handle a little in my band but I will see what the scan shows and what Carol says.  :)  I don't want to get a pooch above my band.  I think my biggest problem is still eating too fast.  I talked to Carol about my hip pain that has been becoming more and more of a problem and it is not only interfering with my ability to exercise, it is hurting my ability to walk!  She said to take a week off and if it still bothered me to go see my primary.

I took my week off and then I started to notice a rash on my jawline.  It got worse and I asked a friend of mine to see what she thought and she said go see someone SOON.  This is a picture of what I discovered was a MRSA infection that I more than likely got from the gym!  Pretty huh?  DANG IT!

So on Christmas Eve morning I went to the doctor and got a shot of antibiotic, a liquid prescription for an antibiotic, a follow up appointment the day after Christmas, and a warning to go to the ER if it got any worse.  Thank goodness it didn't get any worse, otherwise it would have had to be drained.  As it was, I spent much of my break with a band aid on my face.

It is finally fading away now with no surgical draining and no one else has received this gift of joy from me.  It was kind of scary. 

I went back to exercising while my infection was healing.  My husband drove by and saw me out walking.  The picture on the left was unexpected, the picture on the right was after I sucked in my tummy.  Tee hee hee.  He bought me some new workout clothes and I LOVE this Nike jacket.  It's so warm and it was little holes for your thumbs so your hands stay warm.  I can't wait to do our next race in it.

 The pictures above were the last day I was able to exercise hard because of my hip pain.  The picture below was the last time I exercised period.  We went hiking in Pedernales Falls State Park.  It was beautiful.  I walked down some stone stairs and I felt a pop in my hip.  It was painful but I struggled down the rest of the way and we took some pictures. 

. After this my husband took the kids up to a higher point in the falls.  I tried to follow but I was in pain and decided not to risk it.  At one point on the way back I felt a stabbing pain in my hip.  I almost fell down it hurt so much.  Then it happened again and I was scared because I was by myself and had a way to go before I was back at the car.  I imagined a helicopter having to airlift me out or strangers having to (gasp) CARRY me!  Hello terrifying to a fat person!!  I eventually worked my way out of the falls area and back to the car.  I had difficulty walking at all after that.  I went to the doctor Monday afternoon and I have bursitis in my hip.  Bursitis is an inflammation of the fluid filled sacks around a joint such as a hip, knee, and shoulder.  This is often caused by a sudden increase in activity....hello bursitis!  I got an incredibly painful shot of cortisone in my hip joint and I started physical therapy for 2x a week for three weeks.  The good news is that it's not serious and I should be doing great again soon.  The bad news is that I have to take time off at a crucial period of weight loss!  I got down to 220.5!!!!  I gained about four from there and have been heading back down since then.  I am SO close to the teens!  I had planned on doing two a days at the gym over break.  That plan fizzled between the infection on my face and the injury.  ugh.  I'm trying hard not to be derailed. I have a 5K next weekend that I would like to walk in (however slowly). 

In some good news...I got the sweater dress and boots look I was going for this year!  Check me out...and yes...there is a girdle in there to hold all my jiggly parts. 

Lately I have been STARING at my pictures.   I am not kidding.  I stare at them.  I have also been staring in the mirror.  I can't believe that the person I see is REALLY me.  It's really me.  It amazes and shocks me.  I am really starting to become proud of what I look like and and how I feel about myself in a way I've never known.  I've always had anti-anorexia (always feeling better about how I look than I really should), but I always focused on one aspect like my eyes or teeth or something.  Now I just feel good overall.

I know I am not there yet and I still have plenty of "fat moments" where I remember how far I still have to go...but now I can actually SEE some progress and it's like I have the vision of the ending line.  More importantly, I can FEEL it.  I bought another size 18 jeans this week.  I tried on three pairs and they all fit really well.  It made me super happy to be down another size without a huge muffin top and a girdle is not required. 

I hope to be in the teens the next time I blog!  Just to give you some perspective on what I used to look like, here are some throw back pics:

Love to all!  Thanks for reading!